Out of a Respect for Life, You Must Endure...The title for this blog post came from a very old book series that I used to read and one that I still enjoy from time to time, Animorphs. The particular book that this quote came from comes during a point where one of the main characters is suffering from so much physical pain that he isn't sure he can continue, but at his most critical point, he has a vision that gives him the strength to endure, a vision of someone he cares about telling him that "out of a respect for life, you must endure." I felt that this quote was an appropriate blog post title, in light of recent events that have transpired.
Out of a Respect for Life, You Must Endure...for the past three months, my life has followed the same routine day after day: go to work, go to school, go back to work, go to school, and go home. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Wake up the next day and do the exact same thing, but in a different order. I long since resigned myself to the fact that since I both work on campus and attend class there, my life would become largely intertwined with Idaho State University and become difficult to separate. I long since resigned myself to the fact that because of certain people in my past, I simply find it easier to avoid social scenes in their entirety and simply go home and read a book. And I long since resigned myself to the fact that despite the constant levels of stress in my life, it has become such a norm for me that to do anything less is sacrificing my best.
Out of a Respect for Life, You Must Endure...I feel like my life is stuck in an endless loop and there's no way out. I feel like every day is more and more of a challenge for me to force myself to get up, get dressed, and do the simple things that once seemed so easy, but now seem so hard. I used to love meeting new people, sharing new experiences, and having fun. Now, the only things I can think about are work, school, and just getting back home into my bed. I don't mean for this blog post to seem alarming. If anything, this is a way for me to express catharsis and share my story in a medium that I'm willing to bet that most people don't pay much attention to or read. I have no idea who reads this blog and who pays attention.
Out of a Respect for Life, You Must Endure...After this semester, I have only one more at Idaho State University and I have no idea what the future is going to hold for me. As it is right now, I've been siphoning off one paycheck a month to start paying back my student loans because I am scared to death of sinking even further into debt once I leave campus. I am scared to death because now that my sister and her husband may be leaving California, I don't have a plan for the future. Insofar as I know, I will certainly not be attending graduate school next year because I have to find out where I would prospectively be going, move to the state to get residency, and establish a plan for how I intend to reach my ultimate goal of grad school.
Above all else, what I really want is to find that special person that I can tell these things to, that I can sit there and cry over them knowing that I'm safe in their arms, and know that everything is going to be okay.
Out of a respect for life, you must endure....
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